Monday, May 1, 2017

The Worst Blanket Ever

As I’ve grown as a person and crafter, I’ve come to learn that we all eventually face projects that we don’t necessarily want to work on. In fact, we don’t even like them that much.

In some cases, we loathe them with our very existence.

I have met my bane and its name is the Worst Blanket Ever.

Burn me.


It all started when the first wife of my long-deceased father (wrap your head around that one) came to me and said, “My daughter is getting married next November and she absolutely adores peacocks. Could you make this blanket so I can give it to her as a gift?”

I clicked on the image of the link forwarded to me and I saw the same peacock blanket that had been making the rounds. You know how it is – one person makes it, everyone likes it, they share it, suddenly it’s everywhere (can we say “mermaid blanket?”) and everyone is wanting one with no knowledge of the work that is needed.

Now, I must confess that I have a tragic flaw; I give into peer pressure extremely easily when it comes to making others happy. So, I look at the blanket, remind myself that I’m kind of a fan of peacocks, and “Sure! Why not.”

“How much?” she asked.
“Eh, make it around $100. I know that’s steep for a blanket but it’ll cover the cost of both supplies and my time.”
“I think I can do that. Thank you!”

I figured, “Eh, what the heck. She’s giving me a year’s head start and I’ll make a little bit of money.”

I was wrong, y’all. I was very, very wrong. Currently, I am over $100 in yarn alone, and the pattern itself cost $5.

All these colors used in one feather. Times a billion.


Speaking of, let’s talk about patterns.

When you make them, test them. And don’t just do it yourself – have others test them. This is important, especially if you’re selling the pattern, because you don’t want anyone investing in your pattern and then finding out that it’s full of typos, doesn’t list any yarn that’s still available, or has major design flaws such as the gauge is completely off.

This last one is particularly important. The Worst Blanket Ever’s pattern listed a gauge saying one feather applique with an H hook (5mm) will be around 6 inches in diameter or so.

Yeah, that is a big fat fib, I’ll have you know. I am using an M hook to make these appliques and they’re still not six inches! And I’m not the only one who has come across this issue; at least twenty other people have made the same complaint. And if you use the directions provided, saying you will have a large comfy blanket, you will end up with a disappointingly inadequate baby-blanket size afghan. It’s just not cool to send out an untested pattern, folks.

Still, the blanket does seem pretty cool in the pictures so to heck with it. I’ll power on.

Through trial and error, I cast on about twice what the directions said for a nice-ish size blanket and found my M hook makes a good size applique that won’t have me making thousands upon thousands.

It has been six months since the request for this blanket has come in, and I am happy to report that the initial backing of the blanket is complete and about twenty-six appliques.

Twenty-six out of too many.

I will post my progress as I travel along with this nightmare of a monstrosity…. If it doesn’t kill me first.

Wish me luck!

And don’t make this blanket.


Ever.

Don't let my beauty fool you. I'm pure evil.

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